@rachelle_mandik: Yes but what if Donald Trump IS actually dead but his toupee is alive and steering him round like a marionette?
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@fro_vo: Interviewer: your resume says you were a waiter Me: yes that's right Interviewer: where at Me: out in the lobby right before this interview
@junejuly12: People who hum in public must be blissfully unaware of how close to death they are at all times
@LeannaZaiden: This tweet would get all dressed up and go somewhere special on a Saturday night, but unfortunately it's married.. so it'll just get drunk.
@GuyThe_Guy: Autocorrect just turned "stepdaughter" into "lying manipulative drug addict that lives in the basement and brings dudes in thru the slider"