@weinerdog4life: Yes hello 911, I put a smaller microwave inside a bigger microwave and now there's a wormhole in my kitchen
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@BrettDruck: Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work because the dog just goes "Cool, now we're both barking!"
@sammyrhodes: Sometimes you feel like you've grown. Other times you pout for a few hours because your wife accidentally threw away your Tabasco sauce.
@yoopnative: Just ran outside in a t shirt & panties to save a bird from my cat's mouth. My kid thinks I'm a hero. My neighbor wants to have drinks later