@The_MartiniGirl: Yes I am that gift that keeps on giving most people the finger.
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@sarcasm_inc: *waiter lays down my plate* "Can I get u anything else?" U CAN GET ME HAPPY FACE PANCAKES LIKE I ORDERED, U FUC- *he rotates my plate* oh ok
@ag_loco: Dear men, We love you until you forget to call or show up late or breathe the wrong way - women P.s you're reading this tweet wrong
@theshantilly: Coworker: You look angry. Me: I'm not. CW: Really angry. Me: THIS IS MY NORMAL FACE