@The_MartiniGirl: Yes I am that gift that keeps on giving most people the finger.
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@juneohara65: Me: "Bless me father, it's been 13,505 days since my last confession." Priest: "You're off to a bad start."
@ginger_xtc: build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
@turkeyheadmac: No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive I won't have a clue how to get back here
@Sarcasticsapien: Coworker: You're so condescending and arrogant. Me: They mean the same thing so you didn't need to say both.