@Jandalize: Yes, I have a fitness app. I use it to time how long it takes the pizza delivery guy to get here.
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@koalaslament: I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they're in the middle of a race.
@Kobykincaid: One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
@007Pepe_Rex: Relationship status: I ran out of toilet paper a week ago. Update: I am now running out of paper towels.
@blimeyguvnor: I got the lyrics wrong and partied like it's 1599. Now my kitchen smells like roast peacock and I can't get this horse off my couch