@LOsepyan: Yes, your honor, but in my defense I thought he was stung by a jellyfish
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@RoosterMustache: "My cat just got ran over" You cant end a sentence with a preposition "My cat just got ran over lol"
@SteveSuckington: [first date] Her: omg are you wearing a cape? Lol Me: [texting mom] ok you were right about the cape
@nthall350: The zombie I shot earlier may have just been a kid with chapped lips. I don't take any chances.
@Donnie_Fairburn: Her: Let's go see 50 Shades of Grey Me: Tonight? Her: Yes [After the movie] Her: OMG that was so hot! Me: Mom, please just stop talking