@skitzoette: Yes,I put my kid on a leash. I'm not scared of her being abducted. I just REALLY wanted a puppy instead.
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@UnFitz: [first date] Her: The menu is in French. Me: Allow me to order for you. Her: Sure. Me: Mÿ dâtę wòûld líkê thé chėésëbûrgęr, plæsê.
@Eric_Bader: Got laid twice in two days so either I've done something really good or my wife has done something really bad.
@TheTweetOfGod: Jesus was the original child star who fell in with the wrong crowd and died young.
@WheelTod: Julian Assange became a role model for hackers worldwide by crashing at a friend's place indefinitely & never paying his share of any bills.