@electrolemon: yesterday at the mall a woman asked for my opinion between two men's shirts and immediately went to check out with the one i didn't choose
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@ClichedOut: *opens kitchen drawer* Me: Whoa, what's with all the whisks? Sir-Mix-a-Lot: Why you judgin me?
@SaraMansford: If a guy tells you he makes 6 figures a year it doesn't necessarily mean he's rich. He could be a really lazy guy working at a toy factory.
@TheCiscoKidder: Wife: Go out for breakfast? Me: Sure! Wife: Ok, let me shower first. *showers, dresses & puts on makeup* Me: Where should we have lunch?
@AnkCoupleTO: [almost at the moon] Buzz: *explosive diarrhea* DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE TANG, ARMSTRONG? Neil: *steals speech out of his pocket* nope