@TylerLinkin: Yesterday I fell, landed on my back, and could not roll over and get up. At the time I was wearing a Turtleneck Sweater.
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@esbeeback: Now I have 2 accounts a friend suggested I retweet myself when I'm bored. Sounds like my sex life at the moment
@realHamOnWry: [Deathbed Confession] I wish I’d listened to my girlfriend more often. Especially as I crossed the road after she yelled BUS.
@rolldiggity: 1. Hide babies all over house. 2. If a kid asks, "Where do babies come from?" laugh, "Where DON'T they come from!" and open every cabinet.