@TylerLinkin: Yesterday I fell, landed on my back, and could not roll over and get up. At the time I was wearing a Turtleneck Sweater.
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@ThatBrenna: People are like snowflakes. When they pile up on my car windshield, it's difficult to drive.
@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] He barely knows who I am anymore "That's not true, Karen" LINDA, MY NAME IS LINDA
@StaciedeNOLA: If I were a rapper I'd write a lyric like "Get money, make cupcakes. Must be winter 'cuz I be frosting," and my pseudonym would be One-Zee.