@TylerLinkin: Yesterday I fell, landed on my back, and could not roll over and get up. At the time I was wearing a Turtleneck Sweater.
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@GimpySunshine: ran out of deodorant this morning, so I spritzed on some windex. Now birds keep crashing into my armpits :(
@truegritrumble: ME: I'm allergic to suggestions. FRIEND: You should get that checked out. ME: *swelling up like a balloon* You're not the boss of me.