@juicymorsel: Yesterday I taught my boss to play Angry Birds. Today, she "couldn't make it in to work." This is called managing upwards, people.
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@faizziy: My friend is mad at me because I saw her using a huge tablet to make a call so I offered her a gas cylinder to light her cigarette..
@captainkalvis: DATE her: i just wish our relationship was a little more... spontaneous me (holding a lighter to the table cloth): ive got just the thing
@thejessbess: A rap song where I'm just telling my dog about my day & I keep rhyming with "treats" so he stays interested.