@Cali_Kid_Mike: Yesterday I told my aunt that DTF means "Doing the Facebook". Her daily posts are much more entertaining now.
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@DirtMcTurd: Taco Bell doesn't have a playground because its hard to have fun when you might shit your pants
@AkashThakan: Let me tell you why going outside is not safe. Because chances are after a few days you end up retweeting a joke about yourself.
@ahamedweinberg: 2015. Worse than the death of paper is the death of staplers. Rest in peace you sexy plastic alligators.
@teacup_giraffe: My friends won't get margaritas with me anymore because I get drunk & start saying everything is "mexillent".