@aka_fatman: Yesterday, I told my son about the Tooth Fairy. Today, I find 33 teeth under his pillow. Clearly they are not his. I am very, very afraid.
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@13spencer: To be fair, "old-fashioned" doesn't necessarily mean racist; it could also mean sexist.
@lazerdoov: Gonna get "na na na na na na na na" tattooed on my forearm. I'll tell girls it's Hey Jude and I'll tell dudes it's the Batman theme.
@AsYouNotWish: I hate it when celebrities ask me to donate to some fund, you make 30 millions a movie & I make $30 a day. You send money.
@AnAverageGiant: Today I had a mild panic attack over the fact I will die someday. Then I bought some shit on Amazon. Your mom is a hermaphrodite.