@WilliamAder: Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."
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@Sarcasticsapien: Describing anything that happens in 2017 makes me sound like a crazy person who just screams at park benches.
@badAzz_mom: Don't make eye contact Don't make eye contact Don't make eye contact "Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?" SURE! ...bringing the total amount of cookies to 348
@justabloodygame: [commercial for Facebook] *man sits in tree, watching friends from high school through binoculars* "Don't you wish there were a better way?"
@ManvAlcohol: I'm just saying, if I were a bomb maker, I would make all the wires the same color.