@WilliamAder: Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."
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@dubiousrhetoric: Preowned Jaguar for sale. Beloved family member, excellent shape. Wife forced me to put her up for sale after she (the jaguar) ate the kids.
@MomOfTeen: For Mother's Day, I told my teens, I'm going to reenact every detail of each of your births.
@markleggett: What if birds have tiny human-like ears underneath their feathers? That's certainly something to think about, but not during sex.
@noogscorner: Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper "Perfect. Master will love you." This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace...