@WilliamAder: Yesterday was the shortest day of the year until I read your blog.
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@youcancallmesim: Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
@VaguelyFunnyDan: I'm just sick of the mixed signals, babe. One second you're changing your phone number and the next you're filing a restraining order.
@daplusk: Nephew: [crying in line for Santa photo] Me: what's wrong? Nephew: He scares me Me: why? are you [turns to camera] Claustrophobic?
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? SUPER DANCE OFF?? Cop: OH YEAH OH YEAH? Cop: No, not really. There's a warrant for your arrest. oh no