@chrissyteigen: yikes. don't google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
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@briangaar: At this point, I'm pretty sure the main reason Donald Trump ran for president was to get more Twitter followers
@leechee420: I saw my friend's kids at Walmart and they told me they were lost and I was like "good luck guys" and walked away. I'd be a great mother.
@realHamOnWry: The harder you slam the door walking out on an argument ...the more likely you have to go back inside for your car keys.
@jazmasta: They laughed at me when I bought Velcro sneakers but no one will be laughing when the great shoelace drought of 2044 comes