@OBiiieeee: Yo son, do you like nachos?
"Hell yeah!"
*son goes in for high 5*
That's good, 'cause I'm nacho real dad
*rejects high 5*
You're adopted lol
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@rockymomax: [At bar] BARTENDER: I dont think she wants to talk man ME: [dabbing on pickle juice as cologne] I think I know what the ladies want pal
@TheSadnesses: [first date] “So… you didn’t mention that you’re trapped in 230 million year old amber.” [my motionless eyes glint within my golden shell]
@AntozWolf: "You the bomb" "No you the bomb"....- A compliment in America.An argument in the Middle East.
@robdelaney: Michael Jackson would be 54 today if he hadn't hired such a gifted nap specialist.
@Book_Krazy: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over Me: Idk, but could you move this along? I've had too much to drink and I really need to pee.
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