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@curlycomedy: You never see baby pigeons because pigeons are cloned by the government. Next question.
@TheTweetOfGod: Earth was the first world I created. It has all kinds of problems. #firstworldproblems
@JB4Realz: [Marriage Counseling]
Wife: He's always messing up even the simplest phrases.
Me: I THOUGHT we were gonna keep that on the download...
@BrattyBarbie: Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution, b*tches be trippin...
@DJRotaryRachel: Not saying Lois Lane is a shitty reporter but my friend showed up without his glasses on today and I recognized him after like 20 minutes.