@3sunzzz: M: There was yelling and pushing! I've never been trapped in a mob! I was so scared! H: It was a 3rd grade field trip. M: I BROKE A NAIL!

@Sickayduh: Me: Did you know that a woman's voice gets higher when she's attracted to a man? Her: *batman voice* I have a boyfriend

@capnmcfword: Every jogger is running towards cake or away from kale.

@KentWGraham: I've carefully avoided a running injury all these years by never running.

@AnOrangeSNES: Please follow the instructions 1) Read all instructions 2) Sacrifice a goat 3) Cut off your fingers 4) Eat glass 5) Only do number one