@SharkJelly: Yoou can lead a horse to water but you need a seahorse to continue your journey
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@duplicitron: Once at church I opened my eyes during prayer and saw Jesus riding around on a wolf making sure everyone’s eyes were closed.
@kelkulus: Felix Baumgartner's 127,000 ft jump becomes world's greatest free fall, unseating previous record set by the 2008 US Economy. #spacejump
@ShittyComedian: No officer the joke's on you. That breathalyzer will never tell you how much acid I dropped tonight.