@KentWGraham: You act like no one at work has ever asked you to apply ointment to a bunion before.
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@JPHaddadio: Last year I ate out alone on Valentine's Day. To avoid embarrassment, I yacked the whole time with a lovely couple the next table over.
@marlespo: Twitter: Tell me I'm funny! Instagram: Tell me I'm pretty! Facebook: Tell me I have real friends! Pinterest: Tell me how to knit a condom!
@tsm560: Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.