@One_FineMess: You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…
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@Heather2Go: I'm so bad with directions that every time I try to go to Pound Town I end up in the Friend Zone.
@PabloGSerski: Since joining Twitter, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
@upsidedowntrash: Mom: What are you hiding in there? -nuthin [Vin Diesel noises from closet] M: Is Vin Diesel in there? -...yes Vin Diesel: [from closet] No.