@One_FineMess: You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…
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@AnOrangeSNES: In retrospect, dressing as a killer whale when I was assigned to assassinate the Pope wasn't my best idea. I blame Ubisoft, honestly.
@beefman138: Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I'm guessing it's the same place you're going.
@sammyrhodes: Circle? Donut! Triangle? Pizza! Cylinder? Tater tot! - me teaching our 2yr old shapes