@One_FineMess: You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…
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@pudding_club: *calls mom* "Ma I made 3 friends on twitter today" *long pause* "Mom?" *mom stares at 3 fake twitter accounts she made, fights tears* "Mom?"
@yoyoha: Went to the hospital to wish a pregnant lady giving birth a Happy Labor Day and she ripped my throat out :(
@droidbears: fyi, drug mule does not mean youll be getting stoned and riding around on a donkey... worst first day ever