@chinkydeliciae: You and your happiness can go straight to Walmart. Or whereever your "hell" is.
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@joejwest: [on date] ME: I like my women like I like my wine WAITER: [arrives] Anything to drink? ME: [clears throat] One glass of very hot wine please
@ericsshadow: DOCTOR: [holding $5 bill] what's this for? ME: it's a tip DOCTOR: okay but you're still dying ME: [hands him another $5 bill]
@GibJimson: If you ever see me cleaning out my car in the middle of winter, it's because I have drugs missing.
@Adam14: Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That'll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.