@mjm866: You are not truly drunk until you have a jar of peanut butter in your hand and your looking for the dog
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@Pro_Jones_: (Halloween Party) Friend: What's your costume? Me: I'm dressed as "A total disappointment" Friend: But you always wear that Me: Yeah.
@SortaBad: Me, age 18: I'll be a homeowner by the time I'm in my 30s Me, in my 30s: I own a single pair of matching socks
@PaperWash: Karate Kid (1984) A Japanese man teaches a desperate young boy about bullying by forcing him to fix his house.