@mjm866: You are not truly drunk until you have a jar of peanut butter in your hand and your looking for the dog
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@RoosterMustache: ME: snakes are mean TEACHER: right ME: but it's not their fault. They have 2 ends & no legs TEACHER: ok ME: so the ends justify the mean
@PastorBate: Restaurants drastically overestimate how much I care about which wood they smoke my bacon over.
@ScottLinnen: Riding up in the elevator with a bunch of children. So much screaming & crying. You'd think one of them would ask me what the hell's wrong.