@mjm866: You are not truly drunk until you have a jar of peanut butter in your hand and your looking for the dog
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@MrSandeepP: I dont't want to die a virgin because that means I'll have to have sex with terrorists.
@Underchilde: If you drop food on the floor in public, it’s proper etiquette to look around and see who noticed before shoving it in your mouth.
@Dildotron: [planning for wedding] i found us a remote location "Omg where?" *points to fanny pack stapled to wall above TV* The remote goes there now