@Kauaibride: you are so beautiful without makeup.
-my husband, after he saw i spent $62 on an eyeshadow.
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@1followernodad: How do I like my eggs? Umm in a cake.
@TheCatWhisprer: ME: bartender. another. BARTENDER: but you just- ME: *slams fist on bar* ANOTHER [bartender reluctantly hands me another moist towelette]
@MrEd_EVH: Ate a bowl of Captain Crunch Berries this morning. With blatant disregard for the roof of my mouth. -thug life
@Jmboyd58: *wife runs back into our house which is on fire* What are you doing!? W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: What are you doing? ME: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WIFE: You're teaching the dog karate? ME: Then it's exactly what it looks like.
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