@krakkenlackin: "You are what you eat" I chant furiously, shoving another roach in my mouth. Mushroom clouds keep growing in the distance
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@erica_rosie: It's 450 BC. Socrates is doing a keg stand at a philosopher frat party. Gets the nickname SoCRAYtes. Nobody takes him seriously ever again.
@truegritrumble: ME: Close your eyes, I got you a birthday present. SPOUSE: *closes eyes* Oh? ME: Remember how you told me you love Daft Punk? SPOUSE: No. I said I’d love for you to stop listening to Daft Punk in the car. ME: *nervously* Oh *Daft Punk slowly rises from behind the couch*
@AndyAsAdjective: ME AT 19: I'm gonna travel to so many countries! ME AT 29: I'm gonna try a new craft beer! ME AT 39: I'm gonna try a different cat litter