@jenlaw_11: "You are what you eat" I whisper to myself as I pour my dead dog's ashes into my cat's food bowl
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@KalvinMacleod: My wife made me pack my own bag for vacation and now I have to figure out how to wear potato chips.
@TheKrisWilson: Considering "Thank You" cards are a thing, I'm going to invent "No, thank YOU!" cards and people will send them back and forth forever.
@cupcakelynda: Just opened the freezer and the vodka literally rolled out into my hands, no way I could ignore this sign from god.
@Cajun_Ninja: Met this nice girl at the mall today. Her name was No. and coincidentally her number was also No.