@kimwilliamz: You are what your parents ate too..I'm part black licorice..part hot dog.
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@Bizarro_Mark: The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn't amused when I said, "I don't think it's working"
@BoogTweets: *Busts through Kool-aid mans wall* Kool-aid man: Not cool. What I do is fake. This is our home Me: I'm sorr… *A sippy cup starts crying*
@JimGaffigan: A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
@drunkNnaughty: I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.