@thatUPSdude: You ask me if I'm drunk? Well just spent 10 minutes looking for my phone using the flash light app on my phone.
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@notacroc: GROCER: slide your card ME: it didn't work GROCER: does it have a chip? ME: *puts hand over pringle in my pocket I was saving for later* no
@AtticusFinch79: Robber: This is a stick up Me: *clears throat* I'll stick up for Larry. Pat called him an idiot earlier and although it's true, it was mean
@Darlainky: Parents, we noticed you successfully avoiding the candy and toy aisles, so we brought the candy and toys to your checkout lanes. -stores
@BradBroaddus: My wife told me to find someone else if anything ever happened to her so I don't know why she got pissed when she found my "prospects" list.