@possibilyss: You better lock your doors tonight, person who taught my parents texting.
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@MonkeyHeadNeb: [lost at sea] Me: *sees giant shark* yeah, we're gonna - Movie nerd: NEED A BIGGER BOAT?! Me: - die.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: A fox: People aren't so bad. I hear they named a news station after us. [Watches 1 minute of Hannity] We attack the humans at dawn.
@geowizzacist: I'm just a regular guy going for a regular jog with a regular plasma TV being chased by the regular police.
@jonni_howard: "Your storage is full" thanks Apple, I'll just go and delete some photos of friends and family, but at least I'll always have the stocks app