@GonzoVice: You better take care of me Lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.
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@chilldadpalguy: name a hurricane "Jesus" cuz then u could say "Jesus is coming" & have unaware ppl frantically prepare for rapture
@iinkedZombie: All of these people are screaming like they've never seen someone revving a chainsaw on a public beach.
@murrman5: [her thinking to herself in the restaurant] he seems nice and normal [me thinking to myself] she let the waiter twist her pepper 8 twists??
@xLiserx: *Batman happily approaches Batmobile* Wife: Forget it, Bruce! We have two car seats & need to go to Costco. *Defeatedly gets in Batvan*