@mdob11: You brought me roses? I can't eat this. Get out.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@onion_an: [looking up at bird sitting in a tree whilst on 1st date] "I didn't know birds could climb trees"
@PaperWash: [death row] Guard: alright tough guy one last meal Me: a cyanide pill Guard: what? no we want to kill you! Me: too bad Guard: aw man
@Thynebear: [In Court] Does the Defense have any last words? *defense rises* DE-FENSE *Judge holds up picket fence* DE-FENSE *Jury starts The Wave*
@zachreinert03: My friend said a baby crying is the best form of birth control but there was a baby bawling next door all night & my girlfriend got pregnant