@10InchesPlus: You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!
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@noog: Put on sunglasses. Now run past a crowd of people with your index finger on your ear screaming "SNIPER HAS BEEN SPOTTED SIR"
@dyldonot: [tv interview] I'm with Amy. Her house was damaged by the floods, how are you? [cut to Amy crying] MORE LIQUID IS THE LAST THING WE NEED AMY
@wesjohnson8: Boy at FBI headquarters saw pictures of 10 most wanted men & said, "Why didn't you keep them when you took their picture?"
@murrman5: "did you ever get married?" [wife looks around her old gym at high school reunion and sees me debating if I can touch the rim] no