@10InchesPlus: You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!
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@david8hughes: [in ambulance] "Sir, do you know your blood type?" "Yeah [coughs & points to wound] red."
@NoFlipFlops: Whoa. The house telephone thingy just rang. Couldn't remember what to do so I stopped, dropped and rolled.
@brennadine: [In line at Starbucks] [Woman behind me talking] I work in an office with 50% men so- [Excitedly turn around] OMG YOU WORK WITH CENTAURS