@TheTweetOfGod: You call it lightning. I call it targeted airstrikes.
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@ms_woodsy: Each and every pizza can be a personal pizza if you just believe in yourself and don't have any friends.
@toastymoe: It is NOT acceptable to lift up the back of a woman's shirt to look at her lower back tattoo, even if you're at Walmart... I know that now
@TheTalkingPipe: Her dad said he'd like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
@Book_Krazy: Me: Both of our hamsters died and we just can't part with them Taxidermist: Would you like them mounted? Me: Um no, just holding hands