@upsidedowntrash: [pronounces testosterone like macaroni]

@TheToddWilliams: [post-abduction] ALIEN 1: Be not afraid, human. We will do you no harm ME: Will I like Area 51 if I haven't seen Area 1 to Area 50? ALIEN 2: Let's grab a different one

@BGH70: On average, it takes a person 7 minutes to fall asleep… 2.5, if Tammy from purchasing is telling you about her weekend.

@ArfMeasures: ME: I dislike myself THERAPIST: That's quite common ME: Really? THERAPIST: Yes, for example, I don't like you

@DanKCharnley: Sensible dad: I'd like to buy 3 'fleeks' & 7 'swags' for my son. "Sir this is Urban Outfitters" Do you have any 'baes'? "Please leave"