@buttnight: migraine |my-grain| noun 1 a recurrent severe headache 2 what a farmer shouts in disbelief after a terrible storm destroys his wheat field

@stephenjmolloy: Me: "Stay back! I'm an expert when it comes to karate!" *mugger approaches* Me: "Karate is a martial art developed on the Ryukyu Islands."

@okimstillhungry: Who thought blowing out candles on a cake was a good tradition? Ah yes; wax would go well with this cake and you know what else? Child spit.

@TheDailySchmuck: Damn, girl, are you Terms and Conditions? Because I just want to blindly agree to whatever you say.

@KentWGraham: We didn’t have child safety seats when I was young. My dad would put a couple of us in the trunk if it meant not taking two cars.