@TheTweetOfGod: You call it lightning. I call it targeted airstrikes.
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@buttnight: migraine |my-grain| noun 1 a recurrent severe headache 2 what a farmer shouts in disbelief after a terrible storm destroys his wheat field
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "Stay back! I'm an expert when it comes to karate!" *mugger approaches* Me: "Karate is a martial art developed on the Ryukyu Islands."
@okimstillhungry: Who thought blowing out candles on a cake was a good tradition? Ah yes; wax would go well with this cake and you know what else? Child spit.
@TheDailySchmuck: Damn, girl, are you Terms and Conditions? Because I just want to blindly agree to whatever you say.