@JasonBerlin: You call it the Friend Zone. I call it Palcatraz.
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@squirrel74wkgn: "What's funny?" The microwave beeping as you walked backwards. "Why's that funny?" Because large objects beep going in reverse, Diane.
@tweeterreader36: To the co-worker who had a 17 min conversation with me and didn't tell me I had a smudge on my forehead. It's on!!
@donni: Worst Excuses For Being Late 5) Too many dragons 4) Out of dragons 3) I'm not late, Steve is 2) Time is fake 1) Made a list of excuses
@ddsmidt: My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey about me uncorking my wine in his office. He needs to make up his mind.