@TheTweetOfGod: You call them natural disasters. I call them destructive criticism.
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@Bizarro_Mark: My parents haven't called with a computer problem in 48 hours. I'm sending my brother over there to check on them.
@Token_Geezer: When I'm in a room full of toddlers, I can't help but scan it for potential serial killers
@thepunningman: "What's that?" I call it a 'knife' "Wow, that's the best thing since bread!" Gregory, I am about to blow your mind
@3sunzzz: Me: Did you finish the banana bread? 16: yep Me: Great, because it was actually a healthy zucchini bread. 16: THIS HOUSE IS FULL OF LIES!