@TheTweetOfGod: You call them natural disasters. I call them destructive criticism.
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@samfromks: White smoke from under my hood means either my starter went out or my car has elected a new Pope.
@TheHoyBoy_: When I go to someone's house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors
@JohnLyonTweets: I said goodbye to everyone at a party and then mistakenly walked into a closet and was too embarrassed to walk back out so I live here now.