@KeetPotato: you can basically just make up facts as long as they're about animals.. cows can't look left. you don't know
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@BruceForce: Thought it would be romantic to serenade this girl with some Elvis. I swear that's the last time I sing "You ain't nothin but a hound dog"
@Reverend_Scott: [kisses daughter goodnight] Sleep tight. "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Um, the Stork. [stork knocks on bedroom window] He's lying.
@droidbears: greys anatomy is so unrealistic. there is no way you can have sex in a place that smells like a hospital
@djr_102: Spice up your Facebook timeline when someone's status turns to "It's complicated" by posting "thanks for last night" underneath it.