@leechee420: You can be anyone you want on twitter, so I'm a little surprised so many guys chose "creepy weird dude."
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@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] HR: Says here you're very good at multi-tasking *me taking a selfie & spinning in chair HR: *whispering "wow he's good"
@WheelTod: Me: “I just want a girl who likes Star Wars as much as me.” Hot girl: “I like Star Wars” Me: “Oh yeah? Name all 3 security guards I blew to get my own private tour of the Starship Enterprise!”
@boring_as_heck: The KKK was started by some dork who wanted to wear robes and call himself a wizard and his dad was like "Ok but only if you're racist too."
@Fickle_Filly: Colleagues who feel the need to say "You either love me or hate me!" are oblivious to the fact that it's always the latter.