@leechee420: You can be anyone you want on twitter, so I'm a little surprised so many guys chose "creepy weird dude."
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@TheToddWilliams: Cop: First name please... "Frida" Cop: Last name... "Gomam" Cop: You're Frida Gomam? *peels out* Cop: Nice, nice
@Turnip2020: An eggplant just recognized me from Twitter & asked for my autograph. I gave him one, but then suddenly his father showed up, grabbed him by the stem, and told him to NEVER associate with vegetables like me. Bigotry is still alive and well. I will do my best to root it out.
@HousewifeOfHell: How are we supposed to fear a storm named Grayson? I'm fighting an urge to iron its prep school uniform or ask it for investment advice.