@shariv67: You can blame those "meddling kids" all you want. But let's face it. Your entire plan was to dress up like a ghost.
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@TrainedHedonist: What religious people say: "I have you in my prayers." What non-religious people hear: "I'm trying to raise Aquaman on this cat radio."
@murrman5: *sniffs date's hair* [later on in ambulance] "no, it's my fault for not mentioning I'm allergic to japanese cherry blossoms"
@ThisOneSayz: Me: what big eyes you have! Me: what big nose you have! Me: what big teeth you have! Dog: you're drunk again, aren't you?
@squirrel74wkgn: I'm a 40 yr old man sitting at a Café with my eyes closed, squirting packets of mayo from under the table at the window as people walk by.