@ilikeyouguys: You can buy wedding cake even if there's no wedding, those suckers don't even check
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@hippieswordfish: In the future when cats rule the world, the currency will be Cuteness and i will be a poor and lonely man
@ibid78: *shaves 'I ❤ Dogs' into my chest hair for the Westminster Dog Show but just as I take my shirt off a car full of cats rolls up*
@AndyAsAdjective: ME AT 19: I'm gonna travel to so many countries! ME AT 29: I'm gonna try a new craft beer! ME AT 39: I'm gonna try a different cat litter
@gerryhallcomedy: When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don't tell them you need it by a certain date.