@evanR39: You can catch a lot of flies with honey, but you can catch more honeys by being fly.
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@jdbalani: Define Marriage: It's a way through which two people join together to solve the problems they never had before.
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: What kind of cake for your birthday? Wife: Just something with chocolate [later, me in the kitchen melting chocolate over a crab cake]
@tat2dsoccermom: Hardcore Ramen: drink boiling water, swallow dried noodle block, snort flavor packet.
@WilliamAder: I knew joining a gym was a bad idea when I got there and needed help pulling the door open.