@evanR39: You can catch a lot of flies with honey, but you can catch more honeys by being fly.
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@Home_Halfway: BREAKING: Pluto is once again a regular planet. "It was always huge & full sized!" said one dwarf planet scientist with a fake mustache.
@The_Mentalyst: *Meanwhile at a restaurant* Waiter: Welcome sir, would you like a table? Me: So kind of you, I wouldn't mind. *Picks table and walks out*
@KaptainKoRnie: Bf and I are on 2 completely different emotional planes right now. Work faster, whiskey.
@Naked_Superman: Gin & Tonic: 91 calories. Banana: 105 calories. Choosing the healthy option: Priceless.