@evanR39: You can catch a lot of flies with honey, but you can catch more honeys by being fly.
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@Brianhopecomedy: When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it's Santa Claus!" so I don't have to get up.
@Storminika: Every time Nicki Minaj tells someone their voice isn't good enough on Idols, someone is crushed to death by the weight of the irony.
@mrtruthandsoul: I wonder how many times Batman had to rub one out in the Batmobile after fighting with Catwoman
@JediGigi: My Daddy taught me to lick it before I stick it- I say to the judges as I hang a spit covered spoon from my nose.