@markleggett: You can eat up to three spiders every night in your sleep, except on "cheat days" when you can eat as many as you like.
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@PaperWash: idea for haunted house: dimly lit grocery store sprinkled with people you haven't talked to since high school
@Jake_Vig: My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
@fabulouscop: [at doctor] can u cough for me please? *coughs* again please *coughs* i see i see. i'm afraid you have a cough