@ibid78: You can give a centaur a fish AND lead him to water, which is pretty awesome.
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@thatcarlygirl: "Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog
@FreddyAmazin: 3 horrible things in life: 1) Seeing your mom cry. 2) Seeing the love of your life fall in love with somebody else. 3) Slow Internet.
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: We'd have less arguments if he wasn't so pedantic THERAPIST [to me] Is that right? ME: No. It should be fewer arguments
@Rollinintheseat: *Comments on Facebook picture* "That headband your baby is wearing really accentuates her baldness."