@WheelTod: "You can hide but you can't run,"
-- Mama tortoise giving the lowdown to her kids
@LennoxTruman: No mom I won't go to "night school," I already get what night is, it's that bullshit thing where the sun turns into the moon for a few hours
@tastefactory: My neighbors complain about me throwing my cigarette butts on the lawn but they'll be pumped when a cigarette tree sprouts in the spring
@matsmoustache: I don't even understand Fantasy Football.
There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks.
I call bullshit.
@PeaceInTruth1: *calls lost & found*
Me: Have you seen my patience?
L&F: Hold on a second.
@NYC_Blonde: I told the barista my name was "Britney Spears" just for giggles and he handed me my coffee with "annoying white girl" written on it instead