@WheelTod: "You can hide but you can't run,"
-- Mama tortoise giving the lowdown to her kids
@sara_ashlynn: Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday.
Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
@Kyle_Lippert: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON
1) Put a saddle on it
2) Get on
3) Oh god it's destroying the village with fire
4) WHY DIDN'T I GET A CAT INSTEAD?!
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. First I want to date you & get to know you."
@PaperWash: Commissioner: we'll need to stay in touch
Commissioner: this stealth communication device will-
Batman: LETS USE A GIANT SKY LAMP
@TheGoodGodAbove: The only way Congress will ever pass common sense gun control is if they're threatened at gunpoint