@WheelTod: "You can hide but you can't run,"
-- Mama tortoise giving the lowdown to her kids
@NotJPo: I'm not needy. I'm wanty.
@mydanimarie: 911 what's your emergency?
I FARTED ON THE FIRST DATE.
Ma'am we don't--
IT SOUNDED LIKE A BALLOON ANIMAL ASKING A QUESTION
@sarcasticmommy4: 13: Mom, you look younger every day.
M: What do you want?
13: A new skateboard.
M: How young?
@iwearaonesie: *wife walks in*
*sees cheese balls everywhere*
"what? 8 won't get better at catching food in his mouth if we don't practice"
@TheRolo: [Gets shot by mugger]
Girl walks by: omg are u ok?
I'm dying [sees she isn't wearing a ring] I mean I'm fine but not as fine as you, sup?