@Jabba_Jabba_Jaw: You can insult anyone you want, as long as you end the sentence with "but in a good way".
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@KeetPotato: wife: [crying] "he always calls me weird pet names" therapist: "what do you mean?" me: [arriving late] "what's wrong my little hovercraft?"
@TheJessicaLong: The little girl behind me asked her mom what murder was, confirming my suspicious that Sesame Street doesn't prepare you for the real world.
@Sassafrantz: I'm always a big fan of the prison teardrop tattoo. It says I'm sensitive but I've killed people.
@Thynebear: I imagine Hell is just a place where you watch a montage of people's hands you've shook that didn't wash them after they used the bathroom.