@rorynotroy: You can just lean against anything, look down at your phone and toggle between your 1st and 2nd page of apps and you’ll look pretty popular.
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@psybermonkey: [Getting back into van after museum heist] Me: Hey guys did you know that Neanderthals buried their dead?
@ArfMeasures: ROOMMATE: While I'm away, can you get some mice to feed my pet snake? ME: Sure [later] ME [to mice] Come on fellas, pls just cook something
@JimmerThatisAll: The most important thing I teach my guitar students is never sing Brown Eyed Girl to a green eyed woman.