@AndrewNadeau0: You can just tell people you're writing a novel even if you're not. There will not be follow up questions.
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@jessicaa1017: Waitress at Olive Garden tells me to say "when" and starts grating cheese on my salad I say nothing Room fills with Parmesan No one survives
@ehchino: [Couples counseling] "It's not good to keep these things bottles up, you know" Okay, fine *opens jar of wasps*
@JohnLyonTweets: [before pepper spray was invented] Cop: *holds pepper grinder in suspect's face* Say when.
@HannahB_15: Who decides which tweets go viral and which ones don't?? I have been putting out quality content for YEARS and I'm starting to understand how Leonardo DiCaprio felt waiting for his Oscar.