@AndrewNadeau0: You can just tell people you're writing a novel even if you're not. There will not be follow up questions.
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@GreenishDuck: My sisters made me watch their kids last night. At one point all six of them were crying, but I just kept rap battling them one by one.
@Donna_McCoy: I can easily make lemonade, but I have no idea what to do when life gives me a fitted sheet.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Girl from my high school posted on Facebook that she got a "constellation prize" at a church carnival yesterday. She skipped school a lot.
@stevevsninjas: [airplane strafes the ground with machine guns] Mozzarella: *checks self* I'm OK. Cheddar: Me too! That was close, eh Swiss? ...Swiss?