@TheTweetOfGod: You can lead a horse to water but only if you grew up on a farm or something.
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@Cali_Kid_Mike: Nice try government. But I'm not taking you back until I know where you've been for the last two weeks.
@markydoodoo: *gets tax refund* *calls zoo* Hello, how much to rent an otter for the day? Please say less than $47. Hello?
@adamrensch: People always say "Wow, your baby looks so much like you," as though it's supposed to defy genetics & look exactly like a coffee mug.
@AnOrangeSNES: Nine out of ten doctors agree that dying is bad for your health. The other doctor is clad in a dark robe and carrying a scythe.