@realHamOnWry: You can lead a horse to water, but you have to work really, really hard to get him up on water skis.
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@_ElvishPresley_: *tosses incriminating letter into the fireplace* ME: will someone please light a fire in this fireplace
@moose_chocolate: Before you move to Canada after Trump gets elected, just know that it's May 13th and it's currently snowing here.
@ThisOneSayz: Save your voice calling for your kids. Just open a bag of chips and they'll materialize out of nowhere.