@GuyThe_Guy: You can learn a lot about a guy when you go through the pockets of his pants that are at his ankles in the bathroom stall next to your's.
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@AverageCorners: "Grab a Pop Tart!" I tell my kids as I'm mixing up the dogs' breakfasts of organic, grain-free dog food with Greek yogurt and $85 vitamins.
@Piecezilla: My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
@envydatropic: A coworker just asked if I had any "mouth water" and I am thoroughly confused by this