@SergioValenCo: You can learn a lot about a person if you install a camera in their bedroom.
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@KenJennings: There's nothing more disturbing than the 1st time you hear someone you know using their "whooo's a good dog" voice.
@causticbob: Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work. The dog probably just thinks, "Awesome, now we're both barking."
@Reverend_Scott: NEWS ANCHOR: Here's Gary with day 1 of his outdoor summer weather report. GARY: [frying an egg on the sidewalk] I quit. Back to you, John.