@pizzajaynow: You can learn a lot about your kids by helping them with their homework for example, mine are idiots.
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@MrAdamBez: *gets sentenced to 25 years in prison* *opens twitter app* *looks up* *being released*
@ItsAndyRyan: "Two messages, Sir. First, your tea has run out" "Correct English is 'you've run out of tea'. What else?" "You've walked out of wife"
@robfee: A guy on Catfish dated a girl for 4 years despite only seeing ONE picture of her. I wouldn't buy a futon on Craigslist with only one pic.